Oh, dear...

If I begin to sink into that mire known as self-pity, I just turn on the radio. I got used to listening to talk radio when I was working at home. The local talk jocks kept me company in my tiny office under the stairs. Once in a while, I shot them a fax, and a couple of times, I even called them, on the air. Anyway, a newscast is all I need to perk myself up. People are out there crashing into one another, or sitting in gridlock, getting nowhere. Makes my life look really fine, really fast. And today, I got my newspaper I have to take for Political Science. Newspapers are different than radio. There is way too much bad news per square inch. The lead story today is about a man whose daughter took a taxi to the Golden Gate Bridge, left her wallet on the rail, and jumped. She was 14 years old. Now her father has killed himself, too. That is way too much bad news for one day. The depth of depair that exists out there is unfathomable. I think it comes from not sharing the pain with others, from stuffing it down till you are so polluted with it, no light can get in anymore. And we are meant to be creatures of light. Of course, it is too much to be light-filled every moment of every day. But at some point, I need to crawl out of my darkness, feel the warmth of my connection to my species. I guess that is why I am studying psychology, so I can share that in a professional capacity with others, and help them find their own source of light and love. How very much this young girl was loved, and how very little she knew it. We are all so precious, and we just never get to feel it. That is my teddy bear's name, Precious. She reminds me to live in my heart, as much as I can bear. Ooh, a pun. Forgive me.