Yesterday, I was the bug. I don't know why this happens. Sometimes, it means I am getting sick, but I woke up today just fine. A perusal of Wednesday's diet and activities gave me no clue. I canceled my appointments on the pretext that I didn't want to spread my misery, should it prove contagious, but, in actuality, I just needed some me time. When I am running on empty, I have nothing to give. I would love to me Ms. Abundant, full of sweetness and light 24/7/365. Alas, that has not happened yet. And the poor kid from behind me chose the very worst moment to knock on my front door, just as I was settling into a hot tub, to ask if he could mow my lawn for me. Not today, I yelled. He is currently busily wrestling his lawn mower over the hillocks in the back yard. Grateful, yes I am. And not fully back to windshield status yet. But determined to do all those things that make me feel useful, like the dusting, the picking-up, the grocery shopping, and yes, a trip to the library. Working my way back from the darkness, yet another time. Accepting it will never end till it ends. Life on life's terms. What a concept.
1 comment:
I feel for you...I feel for me too! I have been the "bug" so many times in my life and some days wonder how I will get through them...no special difficulties any more in my life (aside from always worrying about having enough to pay the bills)...but built in low seratonin, and needing to carry myself along, swaddled in my own caring for my fragile mind and being - and then I am able to care for the fragilness of other beings whom I love and grateful for the ability to get back to being the "windshield" for a while. Sending you a hug.
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