"We Three"

"We Three"

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Musings for a day in January...

It is my son's birthday. We already celebrated on Thursday with a dinner in a somewhat central location south of here, and though he was traveling with the commute, and his father, stepmother and I in the reverse commute, he got there first, and waited a long time for us, me in particular, as I couldn't find a parking place for the longest time. Important, you know, to honor those special days, and he is my precious boy, even at 43 years of age. I have been musing on the magic karma that brings souls together, to learn and grow with one another. Particularly, I am wondering why I cannot love Pickle in the same way I loved Boo. She is certainly adorable, with those huge limpid eyes, and she now lays in the exact spot Boo used to on the bed, and gives me the same stinkeye when I accidentally (or on purpose) wake her, usually to say good night. But, try as I may, it is not the same. Was it that wonderful dusty toasty smell? Or the little noises he made? Or that long, long pink tongue that could lick his eyebrows? Whatever, Pickle cannot stir the ashes and revive that flaming love. Oh, I can love her. It's just different. Loss. It's no day at the beach. And here are my newest beasts, still in embryo, and the most challenging yet, because they are so simple and really need the exact right definition, and it's just not there yet. Bringing in the big guns, the Senneliers, that should perk things up. And I could use some of that, too, some perking up. Soul is dragging on the ground behind me. Missing my baby boy, all grown up and gone, and my Boo, gone forever. Changes. Bleh!

1 comment:

Kay said...

I think your horse art is really coming along well! It is hard to believe when our dear babies grow into hairy men!! My oldest turned 32 a few weeks ago and I didn't get to see him because he was working and the live-in girlfriend and him were house hunting. I miss seeing him as much as I used to but happy (sort of) that he is happy. Of course now I understand the feelings my late mother-in-law had when Hubby chose me over Mom! Well let's put it this way...I can see why she was sad but not see why she was vindictive. A toxic one she was....I swore I would never be that way and my sons and I have terrific relationships and I love the girl in Shane's life. Can't wait to see more of your pastels...at least you are "doing"..and that is hard enough to do on the best of days