I learned this lesson way back in my first year of sobriety, when I was in pain all the time, it seemed, and impelled into spiritual seeking mode to find some relief (and not drink, either). We live in this world of duality, joy and sorrow, light and dark, up and down, big and little. Everything is measured by what is on the other side of its coin. And a simple flip can push me in either direction, the polar opposite of where I was just a moment ago. And the degree matters, too. The abysmal pain meant enormous heights of joy were waiting for me. Helped to remember that when I was there, wallowing around, that, in truth, I was carving out the vessel to contain the joy that was waiting for me. And I have been there. Part of my journey has been to accept that I am a deeply emotional human being. I was ashamed of that for most of my life. Now I know that I am more deeply alive than most of the human race, and I found my compatriots in AA. We are all tender, easily wounded people, seeking to salve those wounds with alcohol. It didn't work, usually for years before we quit doing it. And believe me, if it still worked, I'd still be doing it. What does work is knowing some simple truths. Like this one, which says to me that the pain is a worthwhile place to hang out, when it descends on me, again. And that it will end. Nearly twenty years of practicing means it leaves sooner than it ever did before. Progress. Not perfection.
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