Feminine me.

Once I had this very illuminating talk with a man friend on the theme of if-you-think-it's-hard-being-a-woman-you-should-try-being-a-guy, and I had to agree, all that testosterone driven machismo is dreary at best, and can shred tender egos. And I still think that there are times when being female put me at a distinct disadvantage. For instance, I loved to sing as a kid. I was in a choir as soon as one was available to me. Once I was taped singing "O Come All Ye Faithful", and I had this sweet little voice that could have become pretty dynamic. Then, in 8th grade, the choir teacher made a pass at me. He was this Ichabod Crane clone with flyaway ears and lips that leered, about as attractive as a drooling camel. He was one of many reasons why I was thrilled to graduate from grammar school and matriculate to high school, where they had this dandy Acapella choir. Except he matriculated with us. So I didn't sing in high school. I didn't sing again till I was 22 and we moved to Hawaii and joined the Honolulu Chorale, big, big choir. Gee, I loved that. We performed regularly, once at the Waikiki Shell (Elvis performed there, remember?), with Carmen Dragon, and Van Cliburn, where, among other pieces, we sang the hymn in Finlandia. The Chorale was the only thing that got a good review in the local paper.
Then I had a baby, and that ended. My next gig was with a local chorus, and I had to audition to join it. There I was, sitting in the hallway of this art center converted from an old school that smelled just like kindergarten, and the gal before me was trilling away at something from Tosca, thinking I was going to kill my friend Richard who talked me into doing this. Well, she didn't get in, and I did. She didn't blend. Funnily enough, the director of this choir was a lesbian, and I learned to give her a wide berth, too. Isn't it funny that women are judged so often by appearances? It makes me wonder why I spend so much time plucking and exfoliating and highlighting and working out and moisturizing. Well, maybe it is because I like what I see in the mirror better, and when I look my best, I can put myself out into the world instead of pulling the covers over my head and suffering. Perhaps I need a t-shirt that says I do it for me! Nah, they still wouldn't get it. It's enough that I do. Get it, I mean.