Sunday, May 22, 2011
What can be the use of it, anyway?
Sometimes it seems like there is nothing to get out of bed for. Today, even the dogs looked like nothing. Lower than I have been in a month of Sundays, and struggling, which is exactly what I am not supposed to do. Program teaches me that we don't struggle. So I know I am in trouble here. Did the things that are guaranteed to not harm anyone, like rake up into piles all the weeds that got whacked yesterday in the backyard, and stuffed most of them into garbage bags, then filled the yard waste can to brimming and (TA-DAA!) put it at the curb to be emptied in the AM so I can fill it up again tomorrow. Went to my sweet little AA meeting, where I ran into two sponsees, one who is visiting from the coast and will be taking my to lunch later in the week. Then on to Trader Joe's, as I was out of crispy almond cookies, as well as eggs and yogurt. Home to heat up an Indian entree, one of my favorites, now bringing up burps of pleasure. Then I made the mess you see here, just not worried about anything here, slap, slap, scrape, scrape. Have peeled some of my pastels so I can use the side of the stick. That lays pigment down ever so much more quickly, and HP knows, cowwoman likes things done INSTANTLY. While working away, I saw how pissed off I am at the moment. Nothing really new, just another round with the core wounds, and this is progress, usually I am a soggy heap of woe around this stuff. Pissed off, well, that's ever so much more righteous. Eckhart would say I am becoming my pain body again. Whatever, Big Guy. Just don't mess with me here.