Bleeping again.

Part of my stop-smoking day celebration took my to (gulp) the mall. There was a time I would haunt the mall, plowing through Victoria's Secret in search of sales, ditto Macy's and Wherehouse Records. It is rare that I buy anything at retail, you know. I dress out of Costco a lot, also WalMart has the best jeans for me, in long sizes. But I just had to check out Payless Shoe Source, where I found 2 pairs of summer sandals, and Suncoast, because I wanted What the Bleep Do We Know, and could not find it in my usual bargain places. So I settled into my 5 pillows last night and watched it, again, because I made a point of seeing it in the theater originally. Now, I have explored this before. I read The Tao of Physics, The Holographic Universe, Thd Dancing Wu Li Masters, all about the phenomenon that quantum physics has led us back to Eastern thought. It is very profound and mysterious, and I always found it to be very exciting, too. I have this big bell inside me, and whenever a great truth reveals itself to me, it rings with a Big Ben boom, and resonates all through my being. It is ever so much better than getting drunk! I always feel not like I am discovering this truth, oh no, but remembering it, as if I had always known it, and I have come home. I love the scene where Marlee Madsen is drawing blue hearts all over her body. Loving myself has come with a pretty high price, because first I had to hate myself and do self-destruction for 27 years, until it was enough to wind up bleeding, and on fire. That got me to AA, where the process could really begin. Now I am 15 years down that rabbit hole they talk about, and about to go even deeper as I once again burst through that bubble of a comfort zone into a new and unfamiliar world, academia. I think it is time to pick up one of those books again. We truly live in a magnificent and mysterious world. It is a real joy to get up to it everyday.